My journey may seem a foolish one to most people, but I am trusting in the Lord’s word that say’s “He makes all things beautiful in His time”. The beauty may not be here on earth, or within my marriage; it just may be in the realms of heaven. But my God is faithful and true, in Him will I put my trust.

For those women who believe as I do, when the word says that God hates divorce- it means- He really does hate it. So instead of finding loop-holes, and contingencies for doing something God hates; let’s try and seek the Lord, in His word and by the strength of the Spirit to persevere THROUGH this marriage. For we know that All things work together for good, to them who love God, to them who are called according to His purposes.

There are people who are born in hostile environments and are persecuted for their faith. They have to lean on scripture and trust in the Lord to get them through their times of trials and testing. They will have their reward. So when we are suffering through times of trials and testing, let’s get the same mindset to allow the Lord to carry us through, then we too may receive a reward for our obedience and stedfastness.

You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. That is the LAST thing the flesh wants to do but that is the first thing the Lord would have us do! In and of ourselves this would be a monumental, if not, impossible task. But we can take God at His word and proclaim…I CAN do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me. Pray the word, claim the word, live the word- have a victorious life even in the midst of pain.

When the apostle Paul was in chains and house bound in prison by the psycho emperor, Nero, what was his reaction? Was it an escape plan, was it depression, was it rebellion? No, he turned to the Lord and used his time there to encourage others, and bringing people to the Lord. To this day, 2000 years later, we can still rejoice in the fruit of this man’s obedience when we open up the epistles. Let’s take that example even when we are forbidden to leave the house, or have other punishments or restrictions placed on us, our husbands may mean it for evil, but God can use it for good-if we let Him.

I have walked this journey for 21 years, there are times when I have fallen at the feet of Jesus begging him to take this cup from me. There are times when I see the victorious fruit of His work in my life and the lives of my children. There are times of darkness and confusion- wondering what in the world am I doing this for?! There are times when I can almost see the heavenly Kingdom and the new life to come, which encourages my heart to persevere in this fallen and temporal world.

Romans 8:

13For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

14For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

19For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.

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You are free to go through the “Subjects” in any order you wish but I prepared them in this order:

1. Introduction

2. Abuse Profile (gathered from various sites)

3. Counseling with an Abuser (gathered from various sites)

4. Grounding our Relationship with our Lord

5. Persecution- our response

6. Pslam 119- Pattern

7. Thanksgiving

8. Assessing Change in the Abuser (gathered from various sites)

9. Women in Deed (coming soon)

10. Guiding the House & Training Children (coming soon)

11. Personal Testimony (coming soon)

Blessings upon you on this journey Through Abuse.

The contents within this site are only directed to those who have a relationship with the LORD Jesus Christ our Savior.  It is only through Him and the work of the Holy Spirit can we walk “Through” this journey.

Being involved in a Verbally abusive marriage can really mess with your mind.  The lies, the manipulation, control, slander etc can break us down and cause us not to think straight. It is important to renew our mind and come back to our “first Love”, Christ Jesus our Lord.

We need to remember that we should not place our comfort, attention, affection, happiness, protection, and desires on a man; but on the God who truly cares for us.

Ground yourself in the Word of God, so that when the storms come…(and you know they will!) you may be prepared to stand! Not reacting in the flesh, because in our flesh there dwells no good thing. But reacting in the Spirit, through His strength and Power, thus His protection, leading, and results.

Below are some verses that you can go over to re-establish your relationship with the Lord, helping to keep in mind the different attributes about him- remembering His great Love He has for us.

I like to print them out and meditate over them throughout the day. I underline, highlight and jot down other verses that come to mind. When my heart aches with pain and loneliness, I go running to His word and let Him speak Comfort and Grace to my broken heart.

Mercies upon you.

We have been experiencing a time of renewal.  The Lord is doing a great work here.  Our son is hearing the truth and changing His ways.

My Husband has been challenged and has seen how “hurtful” he has been and is working hard to restore himself as a “godly” leader of the home.  The girls are seeing the fruits of his repentance.

Glory and praise to the Lord on High!

But now 6 months later (despite my husband)…I can see the Lord answering  practically every one of my requests below…What an AWESOME God we serve!

1. Place of Refuge and Refreshing
2. Open to hospitality
3. Good News available freely
4. Peaceful
5. Glorify the Lord
6. Gracious, Loving , Restful
7. Light in a dark world
8. Protection
9. Heavenly Blessings
10. Oneness in Spirit & Truth
11. Furnished perfectly for ministry
12. Good relations with neighbors
13. Schooling organized and functional
14. Home Organized and functional
15. Enough room for events and parking

1. Patience, Kindness, Understanding
2. Wisdom, Strength, Gracious
3. Self control
4. Purity
5. Sober minded
6. Watch tongue-Out of the mouth comes the law of kindness
7. Be loving to husband & children
8. Be example of believer in Word, Conversation,Charity, Spirit, Faith, Purity
9. Be faithful diligent, obedient
10. Have Strength
11. Organized
12. Be worthy of the Kingdom
13. Teachable spirit
14. Not covetous
15. Given to Hospitality
16. Servant Spirit
17. Make me both to will and do the Lord’s good pleasure
18. Put off anger, wrath, malice
19. Put on the new man-renewed in knowledge, after the image of Christ

blessings

But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

If you haven’t noticed my quiet times are centered in Hebrews for now.

I don’t know about your relationship but in mine, my husband likes to “talk” things out.  Which usually ends up with him twisting words and slander.  Then when he asks what I think he becomes so angry he sometimes just walks right out of the room.  Mind you I don’t yell, slander or name call-  do not answer a fool according to his folly, I beg the LORD  for just the right answer, because I may only have one chance to speak.  I may either, let him know  if he uttered a lie about me, if he is bitter to our son, I ask him to repeat twisted thoughts, ask for definitions to his words, ask how his words measure up with the Word of God.  I keep it simple and to the point.  I don’t want to argue, I want him to “get it”…then wait for the Lord to do His work.

The verses below helped me to see where he is at.

Hebrew 5

11 Of whom we have many things to say, and hard to be uttered, seeing ye are dull of hearing.

12 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.

13 For every one that uses milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.

14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

He is not able to discern both good and evil.  Well he thinks he is good and I am evil…but that is another story.  He studies the Bible for HOURS! Yet he has no understanding in application…he is Unskillful in the word of righteousness.  There is NO fruit of the Spirit in his life, so then what other fruit is there?

When I get the opportunity to talk which can be several weeks interum, I keep it to the point and stay with Truth.  But he is very “Forgetful”, he doesn’t remember anything after a day or two.  If I try to bring up the issue after that, he becomes irate and says that it was already dealt with.  I don’t know how walking out of the room is considered dealing with it, but to him the conversation was over.

So the verse at the top really struck me as to exhort him daily and not wait weeks while his heart gets consistently hardened.   I truly will be waiting on the Spirit to guide and direct me, because I don’t want this to be misconstruded as Nagging.

We seemed to be going in circles-  Husband gets mad, We Talk, He leaves, He Get’s over it, Then He thinks life is GREAT- About 3 weeks later same thing all over again!

So after pouring out my hear telling Him that I was tired of going down the same path and everything ending the same way; it was as if the Lord said, “Well, take a different Path…”

So as I wash myself in His Word, and search my own heart and mind and seek HIS guidance and direction…I am taking steps down a “New Path”  Where the Truth of God’s word will prevail and not the Lies uttered by man.

blessings

• For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities;

• but was in all points tempted

• like as we are,

• yet without sin.

• Let us therefore come boldly

• unto the throne of grace,

• that we may obtain mercy,

• and find grace

• to help

• in time of need.

Wow, wow, wow.  My Lord, My Savior, My King,  has been touched with the feeling of  OUR infirmities.  He knows our pain, sorrow, heartache.  Then we are invited to come boldly to the throne of grace.

Imagine entering the most magnificent Palace ever- and being able to boldly go straight to the Throne, that we may obtain mercy, find grace, to help in our time of need.  What an awesome God we serve.

BEAUTIFUL!

• For the word of God is quick,
• and powerful,
• and sharper than any twoedged sword,
• piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit,
• and of the joints and marrow,
• and is a discerner of the thoughts
• and intents of the heart.

• Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight:
• but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

• Seeing then that we have a great high priest,
• that is passed into the heavens,
• Jesus the Son of God,
• let us hold fast our profession.

In our time of confusion, pain, suffering; remember that it is truly the Lord Jesus that will do the work.  His WORD is powerful- so Live It, Learn It, Love It.

Be an example and hold fast, because all things will be revealed…everything that is hidden from family, friends, the church…will be revealed.  Even what WE do and how WE respond, so stand strong, stay faithful, be obedient!

blessings

Hebrews 4 12-16

I have noticed that Controlling men use different tactics one is confusion and by way of confusion they apply:

• Different Definitions to Biblical Words
• Twisting words/verses to make their point

Example LOVE

You and the counselor may have the Agape definition of love as being sacrificial, caring, gentle, tender, giving, gracious, merciful etc.

You may even have the Phileo type of definition of love- buddies, friends, companions, partners

But his love may be Eros- So if you two have “marital relations” together…he is loving you.  Nothing more nothing less.

When my husband continually pledged his love for me in the midst of pain and hurt, I finally asked how he saw Jesus loving the church…I couldn’t believe my ears when he said-PUNISHMENT!

I asked him where in the Bible did he get that from?  He said That Jesus punished the “church” when he made the whip and drove out the money changers.  A couple of years later I asked him again, same answer!  This time he gave Revelations as his backup for punishment.

After this I realized this man is deceived, and lost in his understanding.  I tried to clarify his definition with scripture…using Truth…by applying his error.

We are to Love (punish) the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength

Love (punish) your neighbor as yourselves.

I asked how can his definition work with practical applications…No Answer

With the book of Revelation back up I quoted the verse, Vengance is mine I will repay says the Lord.

Punishment is not our place it is the Lord’s, with that he agreed, but there was no repentance or change of his stance…he was still right in his own eyes.

So now I know that when we “talk” I continually ask what he means by_____________ (fill in the blank) love, marriage, relationships, roles of husband/wife/children, ministry, church etc.  If he makes a statement I ask him to clarify, if it is in error I ask him to repeat…he normally changes what he just said, realizing he was wrong.  He then chooses his words alot more carefully, but it is just as twisted, so once again I ask him to clarify.

Never try to finish a “talk” in one sitting, you will go CRAZY!  Listen to his altered view of definitions, then pray about it, get in the word and ask the Lord to direct your heart, speach and reaction.  Next time you “talk” it may be a totally different subject or the Lord may open up the doors to allow you to speak clearly and carefully the proper definitions.

Beware, he will twist and turn the definitions around again.  See if you can respectfully stop his Banter and continue on in the Truth.

He may then turn around and start attacking you with words and twisting what you said around to entrap you or make you out to be the one in sin.  If he is right, repent, ask for forgiveness.  Once again, try not to allow it to continue into harassment.  Keep the conversation focused on TRUTH, the truth of the Word of God.

It’s like being in a whirlwind, topics may change within a split second.  You may not understand where he is coming from or where he is going with a subject.  He may start to get all worked up about an issue that is SO not relivant.  Once again try to respectfully stop him, reassure him that you understand what he is saying but that you would like to keep to “a subject”.

If you have never asserted yourself and just sat there taking in all the abusive words that spewed from his lips…this action will totally throw him off guard.  He may become irate and his words may become even more vengfull and hateful.  Do not be overcome by evil…but overcome Evil with good.  Do not answer a fool according to his folly lest you will also be like him.  Answer a fool according to his folly and he will become wise in his own eyes.

If you are asked a question or given the opportunity to speak, bathe it in prayer before even opening your mouth!  Let the thoughts of your heart and meditation of your mind be acceptable in the Lord’s sight.

Stay calm, cool, and on topic.  If he leaves the room, let him.  Believe me there will be other “talks” in the horizon.  Prepare yourself with the Armor of God to be able to stand and quench all those firey darts.

blessings

I hate those words….

My husband and now son says words that cut, hurt, bruise, and destroy the hearts of the hearers and when it is pointed out- those dreadful words come out, “I didn’t mean it”.

How is a hearer suppose to receive that?

How can a person live their life spewing out hateful words like that?

How can someone find peace with those words, especially after seeing how  the words have wounded the hearer so badly?

Well I have come to notice that the speaker just hardens his heart.  Plain and simple because if their hearts were soft, the thought of the pain they just inflicted would wound them as well.

But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

• Exhort-Greek word Parakaleo (Strongs #3870)

1. to call to one’s side, call for, summon
2. to address, speak to, (call to, call upon), which may be done in the way of exhortation, entreaty, comfort, instruction, etc.
3. to admonish, exhort
4. to beg, entreat, beseech to strive to appease by entreaty
5. to console, to encourage and strengthen by consolation, to comfort
6. to encourage, strengthen
7. exhorting and comforting and encouraging
8. to instruct, teach

I am on my knees seeing how to apply this verse.  I just witnessed my son hurt the heart of 2 young ladies last night with his words and when confronted said the exact same words his dad has said for years…”I didn’t mean that”.

The Lord brought the above verse to my attention this morning and has really impressed upon me the need to call my son aside and address this issue, by begging, encouraging, strengthening, comforting and teaching him.

The Lord is faithful, whenever I cry out He hears- and as I cried out about the issue last night He has revealed the answer to me from His Living word.

Be in the word, allow the Lord to use His word to EXHORT you daily, lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

Blessings

So I sat them all down..I began by apologizing for letting things get so out of hand and for not being a proper example and asked for their forgiveness.  After that I shared with them verses that I wanted to implement to transform our relationship with one another.  It also included chores that were to be done together as a Family.

Before it was pretty much everyman for himself, no one helped anyone and there was strife and anger when someone didn’t get their way.  This mindset was encouraged by their father.  But I showed them verses that are from my Heavenly Father and that His word is the one we must obey first.  Below is our family chore/life list that was posted throughout our house.

blessings!

Philippians 2

2Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Romans 14

19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

Romans 12

10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

1 Peter 3

8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;

9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

10 For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit.

11 Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it.

MORNING CHORES:

· Breakfast

· Babies washed up

· Clean-Up Kitchen

· Laundry

· Floor pick-up

· Change clothes/clean room/brush hair & teeth

· School

AFTERNOON CHORES:

· Lunch

· Babies Fed, changed, ready for bed

· Clean-Up Kitchen

· Bathroom

· Vacuum Floors

· Mop Kitchen

· Laundry

EVENING CHORES:

· Dinner

· Clean-Up Kitchen

· Clean Sweep

· Get babies ready for bed

· Breakfast Prep

How come it has to be all about him?

Who he wants

What he wants

Where he wants

Why he wants

When he wants

How he wants

Why is it that he must always be first and I and children last?

Then the verse came to me…

“But many that are first shall be last, and the last shall be first”

Then and there it really struck me that everything that is going on in my life is not temporal, it has eternal ramifications.  His actions as well as my re-actions.  Guard your heart and mind, fill it with the things of the Lord that He may say to you…Well done thou good and faithful servant..”

blessings!